Not even three days and I set her free. This morning the rain was still falling and outside a bird sang. Sappho answered, and was hopping frantically about. I couldn't do it any longer and opened the window and then her cage and out she flew, right into the brush of the pine tree. So quick, a few seconds. It's much better this way.
I told the Chinese people who work here [the dorm] and we had a good laugh. They were surprised and told me I have a good heart. Somehow I think that this is the most chinese act I have done, the balance of humor, compassion.
Really it's simply my own symbolism. I wanted to see what the bird in myself would do. I had hoped it would sing, but instead it was just trapped.
The long rain has passed and suddenly its very clear out. I love the rains, feeling cozy.
Anais says she rules by seduction. If I ever rule at all its by honesty. We are so different. I try to always be honest about my feelings desires anger love joy pain. If I were not I would lose myself in my role. So I make sacrifices of what might be because I am obligated to be honest about who I am, what is happening inside me. Only when I am supremely and constantly secure can I tell a lie, and I must know through and through what the truth is. It's so dangerous to put insecurity's demands above honesty, what a trap to set oneself.
I think about someone coming here to find me. How difficult, to reach me, all these long journeys, cities, land, language. All surround me in my isolation from my past. protect me.
How quickly I am leaving everything, how much hurt me.
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